Requiem of the Savior
by Saiyagal
Summary: A story of forgiveness. Can Goku be forgiven by his son... or by himself? A monologue from Goku. RR


A/N: I think this thing sucks. But it was bugging me, so I wrote it down and showed a friend. To my surprise, he said that it was cool! I was dubious, but he insisted on its merit. So it's up.  
  
Requiem of the Savior  
  
I am Goku. I've been fighting for my life, for my friends' lives, and for my family's lives for as long as I can remember. I can't recall a time when fighting was not my main focus. And I hate myself for it.  
  
I know that my son does, as well. I see it in his eyes when he looks at me. Behind the happy sparkles of those onyx orbs, the shadow of pain and anger lurks like the reaper waiting for his victim. His heart is good enough that he has never spoken of it, to me or to his younger brother, Goten. He has given me a chance to be the father to Goten that I never was to him. He seems to have forgiven me for everything.  
  
And yet... I cannot forgive myself. I sent him against Cell when he was just a boy. He was scared, and I knew it. He didn't want to fight - he never had - and I knew it, yet it didn't affect me. I knew he had the power, I made him do it anyway. I forced his gentle soul to kill.  
  
And when I died, and I told them all I wasn't coming back, he wasn't angry. In fact, he thanked me right along with the others! Never once did he yell at me, or tell me how much of an ass I was. He just smiled like he understood, then waved and went home to take care of his mother... went home to the job that I was stupid enough to forsake.  
  
I am so proud of him, even though I have no right to be. He was forced to grow up long before any child should. He raised his brother like he was his own son, managing the feat despite his internal pain. He grew into a responsible young man, kind, caring, willing to do anything for the sake of his family and friends. He became everything I had ever dared hope possible... the dream of every parent.  
  
And then, during the fiasco with Buu, my abysmal fatherly sense struck again. After I revived from my fight with Vegeta, I went to Kami's Tower, where Piccolo, Krillin, Dende, and Mr. Popo waited for me. Dende healed me, then Piccolo told me what had happened while I'd lain helpless in that empty rock field. When he said, with silently accusing eyes, that Gohan was dead, I was a little upset over his loss, but more upset over the fact that now I couldn't teach him to fuse, so we might have a chance against Buu.  
  
What an idiot. I didn't even stop long enough to mourn my own son. True, there were very pressing matters that required immediate attention. The planet needed me. So I fought to save the Earth again, at my family's sake.  
  
That's really what it was all about. Sure, when I was a child searching for the Dragonballs, I did it for the fun, for the thrill of fighting. However, when I married Chichi... when she gave birth to Gohan... that reason changed. Some of it was still the thrill of battle, yes, but now there were two people depending on me to save them... to keep them safe.  
  
That was my purpose. I loved Chichi and Gohan so much that it sometimes frightened me. I couldn't stand the thought of them being hurt, of them suffering. So I'd train and train and train, just to let them have a day of peace. When Raditz kidnapped my son, I went after him to get him back. When the saiyans arrived, I fought again for my little family. I attacked Frieza to keep them safe. The androids, Cell, Buu... All of it was for my wife and my sons. Not to 'save the planet', but to protect them. The world being saved was only incidental.  
  
I know that that's no excuse for everything I've done. But I hope that maybe... maybe someday, they will understand. But then again, maybe they always knew.  
  
~*~ Son Goku ~*~  
  
A/N: Well, that's that. Review and tell me what you think, and be honest. Flames are accepted, as long as there's a point (i.e., no rants). And before anyone asks... I don't know if there will be a sequel. This is pretty much a one-shot.  
  
Oh yeah! I need help, people! I want to know how to use codes for ff.net, like codes to center text, use bold and italics, that sort of thing. Anyone know anything useful? 


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